How to stop overthinking at night

Short answer: stop trying to think it through in bed. Earlier in the evening, take 10 to 15 minutes with paper and write down everything on your mind. Ask of each thing, “Can I do anything about this?” If yes, write the next step and when you’ll do it. If no, cross it out. Then make a short, specific list for tomorrow, and keep a notepad by the bed for anything that comes back.

During the day, work and other people take up most of your attention. Lying in a dark room, there’s nothing else to look at, so the unanswered email, the awkward thing you said, and next week’s deadline all get their turn. Telling yourself to stop rarely works. An NHS sleep page for young people puts it plainly: people would stop worrying if they could.

What tends to work better is giving those thoughts somewhere to go before you lie down.

Why unfinished things keep coming back

A lot of night thinking is about things that aren’t done yet. Psychologists have studied this. In a series of lab studies by E. J. Masicampo and Roy Baumeister at Florida State University, unfinished goals kept popping up as intrusive thoughts while people were trying to read something unrelated. When participants were allowed to make a specific plan for the goal, those effects went away. The people who later carried out their plans were the ones who had no more intrusions.

Those studies weren’t about bedtime. Still, the idea carries over: a thought may quiet down once it has a plan and a time attached, even if the task itself is still waiting.

A 15-minute routine for the evening

Do this at the table or on the couch, not in bed. You’ll need paper or a notes app.

1. Set aside “worry time”

The NHS calls this “worry time.” Its guide to tackling worries suggests a short period, say 10 or 15 minutes, every day or so before bed to write things down and try to find solutions. Oxford Health’s version, written for young people, suggests 20 to 30 minutes a day and stresses working through your thoughts outside of bedtime.

So pick a time in the evening that isn’t the moment you turn off the light. Right after dinner, for example. Then write down everything that’s on your mind, in any order. Short phrases are fine: “rent,” “what Sam meant,” “slides for Thursday.”

2. Sort: can I do anything about this?

Go through the list one item at a time. The NHS suggests a technique called the “worry tree” here, to help you tell problems you can solve from hypothetical worries that are beyond your control. Its next step comes down to one question for each worry: “Is there anything practical I can do about it?”

• Yes, there’s something to do. Write a plan. The NHS suggests three questions: What would you do? How could you do it? When would you do it?
• No, not really. Oxford Health’s guide says to cross it out and move on to the next one. The NHS page adds that just knowing you’ve thought a worry through properly and looked at the options can help take some of the edge off.

“What if the meeting goes badly” usually lands in the second pile. “I haven’t replied to Dana” lands in the first.

3. Write tomorrow’s list, and be specific

Finish with a to-do list for the next day or two. The NHS also suggests this for people who often worry in bed: make a list of things you need to do the next day before you go to sleep.

There’s a small study behind it. Researchers at Baylor University had 57 healthy adults aged 18 to 30 spend five minutes writing before a night in a sleep lab. Some were randomly assigned to write a to-do list for the next few days, the others to write about tasks they’d already finished. The to-do list group fell asleep faster. And the more specific their lists were, the faster they fell asleep. The authors’ takeaway was that people may benefit from writing a very specific to-do list for five minutes at bedtime. It’s one small study of young, healthy people, so take it as something worth trying.

So “work stuff” is too vague. “Email Priya the revised budget before 10” is the kind of line the study points toward.

4. If it’s a feeling, name it

Some thoughts aren’t tasks. They’re hurt, or embarrassment, or dread that doesn’t attach to anything you can fix. For those, try writing down the feeling in a word or two.

In three studies at UCLA, people looking at upsetting pictures reported less distress when they put their feelings into words than when they just watched. They expected labeling to make them feel worse, and even after it had lowered their distress, they still expected that. A fourth study used pleasant pictures, and labeling dulled the pleasure too, so it seems to turn feelings down in general, not just the bad ones. These were short lab tasks, not real nights, so treat it as a hint. If you’re stuck for words, words to describe feelings has a list.

What a page might look like

This is an example, not anyone’s real diary:

On my mind: the Thursday presentation. Mom’s appointment. The thing I said to Sam at lunch. Car insurance renewal. Whether I’m falling behind at work.

Can I do something?

• Presentation: yes. Finish slides 4 to 6 tomorrow morning, 9 to 10:30.
• Mom: yes. Call her Wednesday after work to ask what time.
• Sam: maybe. Send a short message tomorrow if it still feels off.
• Insurance: yes. Compare two quotes Saturday.
• Falling behind: nothing to do tonight. Crossed out.

Feeling: uneasy. A little embarrassed about lunch.

Tomorrow: slides 4 to 6, 9 a.m. Text Sam at lunch. Water the plants.

Nothing on it is solved. But every item now has either a time or a line through it.

When you’re in bed and the thoughts start again

Something new will probably come up anyway. Keep a notepad and pen by the bed for this.

Oxford Health suggests a quick question when a worry pops into your head at night: is there anything I can do about this now? If not, let it go. If so, jot it down quickly and tell yourself you’ll deal with it tomorrow. Write one line, then put the pen down. This isn’t the time to start a new plan.

A few other things from the NHS and university sleep pages can help keep the night quieter:

• Hide the clock. The NHS suggests keeping clocks out of view and placing your phone face down. A UC Santa Barbara wellness page says checking the time and counting hours awake will most likely make it harder to get to sleep.
• Breathe slowly. The NHS has a simple breathing exercise you can do lying down: breathe in gently through your nose, counting from 1 to 5 if that helps, then let it flow out through your mouth, counting again. Repeat for at least 5 minutes.
• Don’t force it. The NHS sleep tips say that if you’re lying awake, try not to force sleep. When you’re comfortable and resting, you may drift off on your own.

If you’re still awake after 20 minutes

The same NHS page says that if you’re still awake after around 20 minutes, get up and sit somewhere comfortable. Try something relaxing, like gentle yoga, reading a book or listening to quiet music, and go back to bed when you feel sleepy.

Two details from the UC Santa Barbara page make this easier. Guess the 20 minutes rather than checking the clock. And keep the activity calm: it suggests avoiding anything to do with planning or problem solving, including checking social media. So don’t reopen the worry list. If something urgent comes to mind, one line on the notepad is enough.

On nights you’re too tired for all of it

Skip the full routine and write two lines before bed:

What’s on my mind: ___. The first thing I’ll do about it tomorrow: ___.

If the whole day is what’s replaying, not one task, how to let go of a bad day has a short routine for that. And if one event keeps coming back night after night, expressive writing is a longer, structured way to write about it.

When it’s more than the occasional night

The NHS notes that a few sleepless nights are usually nothing to worry about. If you regularly find it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep, and changing your habits doesn’t help, its advice is to speak to a doctor. The NHS also says talking to someone you trust can help you manage worries. Paper is one place to put them. A person is another.

If things have felt heavy for a while

A diary can't take the place of talking to someone. If hard days keep coming, talk to someone you trust or a professional.

In the US you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time.

Writing it down in a tea house

Bium Tea House: Mood Diary is a mood diary app built around a short entry like the two lines above. You pick one of five teacups for how the day felt, add a sticker for what it was about, and write a line, or more if you like. You can set the entry’s date to any of the last seven days, so a page written after midnight still lands on the right day. The next time you come by, May has left a short note in your diary, written with AI.